The Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy
by Rain Urameshi
Summary: In which badfic!Authors are painfully instructed in the ways of proper fanfiction writing. A Miss Cam authorized OFU.
1. A Meeting in Darkness

**Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy**

By: Rain Urameshi

* * *

_Chapter 0: A Meeting in Darkness_

* * *

"I'm sorry for calling this meeting, but we have important things to discuss." 

Silence hung in the darkened room for a few moments.

"I am… intending to begin rewriting the adventures of the students at this facility, Headmaster."

"You don't say?"

"Too much time has elapsed between what is already written and the changes that canon has undergone. The curriculum has to be rethought to accommodate both these changes to canon and the… wave of bad fan-fiction that now overwhelms the fan base."

"Rain, be glad that YOU'RE not the one writing all this."

"Please be quiet, Ranko. Rain, what… exactly has happened to the fan base?"

"The are obsessed with 'yaoi' and tend to disregard canon as a whole. They also do not seem to understand the fact that Nobodies just _do not have Hearts_. I have lost count of all the trash that has accumulated regarding Nobodies falling in love with one another."

"Well, certainly within AU it can be forgiven, Rain Harada."

"Unfortunately, I am speaking of offences that take place with canon restrictions still in place."

"… …"

"It is truly that bad, Headmaster."

"Hey—we can't forget that people almost ALWAYS leave out the Disney characters!"

"Yes, that is another trend. It is truly saddening to know that the majority of the fan base thinks so little of the Disney characters."

"… … Rain, I give full permission for your Author to begin rewriting the chronicles of this academy."

"Thank you, Headmaster Nomura. I shall notify her immediately."

* * *

"Ranko, have the memories of the students been wiped clean?" 

"Yeah, they have--the Department of Implausible Crossovers sent in Agent Nozaki to denueralize them. The students no longer remember any of their time here, and each has been to the point in time that they were taken from."

"Good."

"Rain... what are you going to do when it comes time to..."

"... we will see when that time comes, my Weaver and Chronicler. Now, I suggest you start recruiting."

"... Yes, ma'am."


	2. It Begins Again

The Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Rather, SquareEnix owns it. I also don't own the PPC, who make a brief appearance sometime in the fic. Also, this is an official OFU, started with permission from Miss Cam, the head of OFUM.

* * *

_Chapter One: It begins… Again._

* * *

"There, finished," said a brown-haired, hazel-eyed girl, sitting at a computer desk with a proud smile on her face. 

19-year old Michelle "Shelly" Cooper had just finished the latest chapter to her masterpiece work of fan fiction, "Heart's Kingdom." Her work of art chronicled the touching and passionate epic romance of Myca Hikari--the half-angel twin brother of the Nobody Zexion, who had 'golden hair and eyes like amethysts'--and Riku, the 'poor, misunderstood youth locked in Kingdom Hearts.' Smiling widely, she looked over her work, and discovered no errors (that she could see, anyway).

'_This should bring in the reviews,'_ she thought. Her love epic would undoubtedly touch the hearts of the readers, bringing them to tears. Slowly, she moved the mouse to the 'Update' button on the screen, but she briefly paused, struck by a sudden sense of dejá-vú.

'_Why am I hesitating,'_ she thought, her finger still poised over the left mouse button and the cursor set above the 'Submit' button on Fiction for Fans, the website she always posted on. She didn't normally hesitate with posting new chapters—more often than not, reviewers begged, pleaded, demanded and even threatened that new chapters get posted soon, so she often complied. But this…

'_It's… like I'm expecting something to happen…'_ Shaking off the strange feeling, she made to left-click on the mouse to select the Update button--

"Oro…this one doesn't recommend clicking that button, that I don't," said a voice from behind her.

Shelly froze in her seat—she KNEW that voice, even if the inflection was different.

"You'll really end up regretting it if you do," came another voice, the tone indicating irritation. Shelly gulped at that voice—she'd have to be DEAF to not recognize that one. Slowly, she spun her seat around so she was facing the two intruders.

She knew it—she just KNEW it! Sora and Riku were standing behind her, Riku in his KH!-Dark form and the purple-eyed, long-haired Keyblade wielder dressed kind of like a Naruto-verse refugee--

Wait a second…Sora's eyes weren't purple, and his hair wasn't long enough to be tied back in a ponytail! Plus, Riku didn't LOOK like that anymore, let alone go into his Dark form!

"W-who…"

The Sora look-a-like smiled. "This one's name is Kaze. This one's companion is called 'Nisemono' by a select few, but he is better known as the Riku Replica from Chain of Memories, that he is."

"Feh," muttered 'Nisemono', looking annoyed at all the pleasantries. "Get to the point, Kaze. We have a schedule to keep, remember?"

Shelly stared at the two dumbly. _'This isn't happening, this isn't happening…'_ she thought frantically.

"_Maa, maa_… this one is getting to it, that I am!" Turning to the stunned female in front of him, Kaze smiled almost sadly. "You are…Riku no Tenshi, correct?"

Still stunned, Shelly nodded. '_Not happening, I'm NOT having a conversation with a Sora-look-a-like and the Riku-clone!'_

"We're here to tell you that your…work…has been noticed," said Nisemono, the venom in the word 'work' making Shelly flinch.

"Hai. Your fan-fiction has been given the rate of 'Bad; Author has Potential', and your presence is 'humbly requested,'" said Kaze, his tone going cold and his eyes shifting to a hard, almost steely shade of blue.

'_Huh? Who IS this 'Kaze' kid, why does he talk so funny, and why are his eyes changing colors?'_ thought Shelly. Aloud, she asked, "My presence is requested where?"

"The Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy," said Nisemono, his aqua eyes narrowed in a death glare aimed at the girl. "Before you say anything stupid, we KNOW the world's not called 'Hollow Bastion' anymore—it's complicated."

"The WHAT?" Shelly stared at the two in disbelief. _'I write perfectly fine! Even is this wasn't a dream, I don't need help!'_

"The Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy, or HBFA, is an official fan-fiction university, where authors like you are taught how to write_properly_ and to not fuck with our canon. Kaze, will you continue?" said Nisemono, his tone hinting at anger and boredom—he had obviously said this before.

Shelly barely noticed Kaze nodding, and his wince at Nisemono's choice of words.

"As a student of HBFA, you will be required to take several courses to improve your knowledge of canon, your grammar skills, and various other pressing matters, that you will," said Kaze, sounding as if he was reciting something.

"That's right. Now, you just have to fill out a simple form, and we'll be on our merry way," said Nisemono, his death-glare still centered on Shelly.

"Huh?"

A manila folder was roughly shoved into her hands. On the cover of the folder was the Kingdom Hearts emblem, but instead of the words 'Kingdom Hearts', it said 'Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy' in the same script. Opening the folder, she took out an official-looking document and read the first line.

**Application Form: Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy**

"Okay, this is bullshit! Why should I fill this out, anyways," said the irate girl, glaring at the two in front of her. "I'm a great author! I don't need this, even if I WEREN'T dreaming!"

"Listen, girl-"

"Now, Nise," said Kaze, trying to calm the Riku-Replica. "She said she was dreaming this, correct?"

Nisemono nodded, then smirked, getting where Kaze was going. Looking at that girl with that same almost-unholy smirk, Nisemono said in a cool tone, "Okay, you're dreaming then. If you fill out that form, then we'll go away, your dream will be over, and none of this will have happened."

Shelly blinked, and then looked between the form and the duo in front of her. Then, in a flat-sounding tone, she said one simple sentence.

"Do you have a pen?"

She was handed a ballpoint pen, and she quickly got to work, filling out the form as 'honestly' as she could.

The first few were easy.

**Name:**_Michelle 'Shelly' Cooper_  
**Pen Name:** _Riku no Tenshi_

**Age:**_19_  
**Gender:** Female  
**Height:** _5' 6''_  
**Weight:** 125 lbs  
**Body Type:** **(Please circle one)**  
**Thin  
Athletic  
Curvy (applies to females))  
Husky  
Kuja-esque (applies to males and females)  
General Appearance: (please try to be brief, and specify features—eye shape, face shape, and skin tone. If the generalization can lead to a 'race' specification (Asian, Caucasian, etc., then list said 'race'.)** _Caucasian; slightly boyish features_

**Hair color:**_Sapphire Blue_  
**Eye color:** _Ruby Red_

After lying about her hair and eye color, things got a little more complicated…

**Race: (please circle one)  
Human  
Disney-animal  
Heartless(Please specify which type of Heartless)  
Nobody(Specify whether a Lower or Higher Nobody. If Lower, then specify which type.)**

She quickly circled 'Human' and moved on to the next bit.

**Job: (circle one)**

**Mage**

**Knight**

**Other (please specify): **

Not knowing what to put there, she simply circled 'Mage', and continued with the form.

**Favorite Genre(s): (circle all that apply)  
Horror/Suspense  
****Drama****  
****Romance****  
Action/Adventure  
Comedy  
****Angst****  
Parody**

**Favorite Pairing: (name only one)**

Shelly had to think about that one. There were some many pairings she liked! Squall/Cloud, Seph/Cloud, Tidus/Wakka…well…if she had to choose ONE…

**Favorite Pairing: (name only one)** _Riku/Sora_

**Favorite Character:**

Well, that was an easy one! Riku! No one was cooler (or hotter) than Riku!

**Favorite Character:** _Riku_  
**Why:** _OMG, he's sooo hot!_

**Least Favorite Character:**

Again, she had to answer another easy question. She HATED Kairi! That little slut—trying to steal HER Riku!

**Least Favorite Character:** Kairi

**Why:** She's a slut! I hates her!

**Lust Object (if any):**

That made her blink. Wasn't that who the favorite character was supposed to be?

**Lust Object (if any):** _Riku_

**Have you ever written slash/yaoi/shounen-ai? ****Y****/N**

**Do you even know the **_**difference**_** between yaoi and shounen-ai? (please circle your response)  
Of course, I'm not stupid!  
****Um…there's a difference?**

**Have you ever bashed a character? ****Y****/N  
If so, whom?**_Kairi and Naminé, they're sooo stupid!_

**Have you ever written a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu? Y/N**

That confused Shelly to no end. 'What are those supposed to be? Better answer 'no', just to be safe.'

**Have you ever written a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu? Y/****N****  
Do you even know what a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu is? Y/****N**

**Use spell check/grammar check much?**** Y****/N **

What sort of n00b did these guys think she was? Of course she used a spell-check/grammar-check—she didn't want nameless flamers. Looking over the form, she sighed in relief. A relatively short form, thank god…she was almost finished.

**By signing this, I hereby agree to give up writing Kingdom Hearts fan-fiction until I graduate from HBFA and get my license. Any pain received during detentions or other reasons is my fault, and I will not press charges against the HBFA.**

**X (Your signature goes here, btw.)**

She openly goggled at the paragraph. Give up writing fan fiction? No way! And what was up with that 'your signature goes here, btw' crap? Even a complete blockhead would know that you sign at the 'X'. Hurriedly, she signed her name and placed the form back into its folder, only to have the folder quickly snatched up by Nisemono.

"There, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" said Nisemono while opening the folder to take a look at the form. He raised his eyebrow at a few of the questions and shuddered at others, before closing the folder again and handing it to Kaze, who simply tucked the folder into his jacket.

"This one thanks you for your cooperation, Miss Tenshi. Welcome to HBFA."

With Kaze's final sentence, the pair turned to leave. Shelly's eyes widened when she saw what looked like the Kingdom Hearts logo embroidered upon the back of Kaze's gray hooded sweater…but much like the HBFA emblem, this crown-topped heart also had something different written across it—the letters 'PPC' in the same script as the words on the original Kingdom Hearts logo, as well as what appeared to be a little potted cactus within the crown. As Kaze and Nisemono apparently disappeared into thin air, Shelly found herself feeling dizzy.

"What's—happening…" She didn't get the chance to finish her sentence as her world was filled with darkness.

* * *

**A Note from the Author:** Greetings, new and old faces alike. As you can see, I have started the process of not only reworking older chapters, but adding new ones entirely. I now have begun reworking what chapters from the beginning that will stay, as well as writing new ones so that the pace of the story will be slowed down a bit. 

Taking into account the time that has passed, I will take extra care to pay attention to canon as it is by the time KH2 comes into play. If I mis-characterize any character, then forgive me—it's simply been a while.

As you can see, the application form has undergone a few changes. This is for two key reasons: to avoid confusion between a person's favorite character and the one that they are most attracted to (if any), and should decide to draw ANYTHING that involves events within the story, then enough information can given for a semi-accurate portrayal of said characters.

I will begin accepting new applications from new and old faces. The application itself is in bold—just copy and paste, and send them to me via e-mail.


	3. Cid the Irate Bus Driver

The Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy

By: Rain Urameshi

Disclaimer: I do not claim legal rights to either of these two franchises, so please tell the lawyers to leave me alone.

* * *

Cid, the Irate Bus Driver  
Or  
Sora Makes this Look Easy!

* * *

Shelly awoke to find herself in what looked like a bus of some sort, with the strangest, brightest color-scheme she had ever seen. She was surprised that she wasn't blinded when she opened her eyes. Looking around, she saw that the interior was made of some sort of gummy-like material; the seats, the walls, the floor-- 

"Hey there--how'd you end up on this little carpet ride?"

Shelly turned her head to the right, where the voice had come from. Sitting there, smirking as if she was in on some sort great cosmic joke, was a pretty Asian girl appearing to be in her late teens to early twenties dressed in what vaguely resembled a Rinoa costume—that is, if Rinoa had been into all black and had a thing for belts and buckles in odd, yet stylish places.

Shelly felt as if she could sweatdrop like those characters in anime tended to do. _'This girl…seems oddly familiar,' _she thought before deciding to answer. "Um… the Riku Clone and a Sora look-a-like got me. What about you?"

"Oh, Vexen recruited me. I kinda wished he had brought along with that guy that uses a weird axe and the emo-looking guy."

"Lexaeus and Zexion?"

"Yeah, them. The emo-looking guy is pretty neat, and the axe-guy is kinda hot. So, what's your name?"

Shelly blinked. Then she blinked again. When she was done with that, she blinked once more for good measure. "I'm Shelly… and you like LEXAEUS?"

The girl shrugged and then smiled slightly. "Yeah—I don't like girly men. I like Vexen more though—he's got potential, and I DO like longer hair on a guy."

"But—he's got this really creepy laugh!"

"I've heard worse out of the brats that I used to go to school with."

Before Shelly could think of some sort of witty retort to that, another question entered her mind, and before she had time to process it and decide whether she should speak it or not, the words had already left her mouth.

"Um… what exactly is going on here, anyways? Why were we taken from our homes and WHY are we on this… whatever it is."

The Asian girl giggled and then shook her head, though an amused smile never left her face. "First off, it's a gummi bus—it's made out of the material gummi ships are made out of. Second—you mean you really don't know?"

Shelly attempted to scowl. "No! If I did, I wouldn't've asked you!"

"All right, just calm down." The girl sighed and shook her head. "Really… how many have forgotten…" In a slightly louder tone, she said, "Okay, listen carefully, because I'm not going to repeat myself, okay? No interrupting for ANY reasons, got it?"

Shelly nodded, and the girl continued.

"What's going on is this—you're now a student in one of the many Official Fan Fiction Universities that have sprung up all over the place. If you're a student of one canon's OFU, you either don't know or ignore the rules that particular canon has for it's reality, or you can't write yourself out of a paper bag. I don't know about you, but I personally can't write myself out of a paper bag, so that's why I'm here."

"So… where ARE we?" asked Shelly, her tone and expression indicative of confusion.

"Somewhere in the canon reality," replied the Asian girl. "It could be a building specifically built for us, or it could be somewhere that exists within the realm itself, but we ARE in the Kingdom Hearts reality now—so all the rules of that reality now apply to us."

Shelly's eyes went wide with shock, and exited whispering broke out around her and the girl sitting next to her.

"No way, we're really in the game?"

"Oh my god, maybe we'll meet Riku!"

"That girl's crazy—we've all been kidnapped!"

The ship suddenly shook violently, causing the other occupants to scream in panic and hold on to their seats. The shaking was then followed by a loud voice, which caused the panicking occupants to quiet down.

"All right, ya retarded giggling sacks of uncontrolled hormones! We're in for a little turbulence, so if you feel the bus shaking terribly, it's just the damned Heartless and Nobodies tryin' to blast us out of the fucking sky!"

The eyes of the students widened in near unison the moment they heard that voice. That was Cid Highwind!!

"We're doomed! Cid Highwind's driving!!" That high-pitched wail came from behind Shelly. Her ears were STILL ringing from the intensity of the pitch.

"Shut up, you ignoramus! Haven't you played FFVII? Cid's an ace pilot! Effing dorks…" That was a lower-pitched, yet still female voice, coming from the row in front of Shelly. She found herself whimpering and wondering what else she was in store for.

Suddenly, there was another explosion and the whole cabin shook violently, sending several girls out of their seats and sent flying through the aisles. Shelly found herself flung from her seat and to the floor—painfully.

"Goddamn it," muttered the strange Lexaeus fan next to Shelly, who had crashed into the back of the seat of the person in front of her. "Just when the conversation was getting somewhere…" She managed to pull herself up and back into her seat. "Headaches are a pain in the arse."

'_Completely agree,'_ thought Shelly, who now had a rather irritating headache from colliding with the floor headfirst.

Another violent wave of turbulence hit the ship, followed by a round of explosions. Cid's voice swept through the bus again.

"Hang on to your skirts, brats! This ride's about to get bumpy!"

'_This is going to be a long flight,'_ though Shelly as Cid's infamous mouth continued, and only got more creative as it went.

**qp.qp.qp.qp**

"All right, joy-ride's over! Get the fuck off my gummi ship!"

Every fangirl (and the odd fanboy) on board scrambled through the door, not wanting to stay on that gummi-bus a second longer than they had to, for fear of having their ears start bleeding. Damn, when Cid swore, he certainly got creative!

Shelly followed her fellow fangirls off the bus, clutching her head. The explosions from the destroyed Heartless and Nobody ships, falling multiple times out of her seat, and Cid's mouth—someone really needed to wash said mouth out with soap—had given her the mother of all migraines. As it was, she was seriously considering therapy. Then again, who would believe her? She could imagine THAT conversation very vividly.

'_Yeah, I got kidnapped by the Riku Replica and a kid that looks like Sora but talked really funny—um, Mom? Where are you going, and who are those guys in the white coats?'_ She rolled her eyes, knowing she would never be able to explain this without getting a free trip to the loony bin.

Then she and the others noticed WHERE they had gotten off.

"Oh…my…god…"

It was the Rising Falls, in all their glory and splendor. Off in the distance, looking both mysterious and malevolent was the great Hollow Bastion. One taller girl deeper in the crowd, whose dark red hair fell into her face, said, "Woah…Naminé and Kairi weren't kidding when they said we'd be in Hollow Bastion!"

Shelly simply stared at the great castle; it was so much more detailed than she remembered it being! The blue lines of magic that were the many pathways of the lifts, the Great Crest with its Heartless insignia…it was so breathtaking….

"Come now, we don't have all day. You do want to make it in time for orientation, don't you?" said a deceptively kind voice, the barest hints of malice lacing the words. Shelly came out of her stupor and stared at the speaker. Who she saw surprised and scared her—

Maleficent.

The leader of the Disney Villains stood on one of the floating platforms, her eyes half-lidded in a look of contempt.

"Well? Come on. No harm in walking, is there?" asked the witch of Darkness, seemingly gliding away and disappearing into a rip-portal.

Shelly looked at the floating chunks of rock that lead to the lift that would take her to the castle—and gulped. _'How… how am I going to get up there?' _Noticing movement out of the corner of her eye, she turned to see what it was—

--only to see the weird Lexaeus-lusting Asian girl apparently backing up in what looked like preparation for a running start. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Getting ready to make the jump—I'm a gymnast in the real world, so…"

That didn't help ease Shelly's fears—that jump still looked like it was too far off for anyone to make, gymnast or not. "You'll get—"

Too late—the girl had started running towards the edge of the small platform they were on. Small gasps of fear and exclamations of worry echoed through the crown when the girl jumped off the edge towards the first rock, which had drifted her way…

And they gasped again in shock when the girl landed on the rock—not gracefully on her feet as Sora would have, but shakily. After regaining her balance, she turned around and grinned, shouted something about how Sora made it _look_ easy, and then continued on her way through the path, timing her jumps so that she would land on or grab the next floating rock when it had come the closest to her. Shelly couldn't help but notice that she had looked winded after the jump, like it had taken some effort out of her. Then, something the girl had said on the bus-ride popped up in her head…

"…_we ARE in the Kingdom Hearts reality now—so all the rules of that reality now apply to us."_

Was it really that simple? They were just able to do a few things here that they wouldn't—shouldn't be able to do in the real world? Sora had experience leaping from platforms and the like under this realm's rules, so he was able to do this after more experience was gained. The girl, who had said something about being a gymnast, apparently had enough training to make the leap on a good day in the real world; making this jump under this world's rules was just easier, but technically no harder than it should've been for Sora.

Her mind set, she prepared herself to make the journey to the castle. After barely making the first leap, she decided that the Asian girl had been right.

Sora made this stuff _look_ easy.

**qp.qp.qp.qp**

"So, Riku, how long do you think it'll take them to get up here?" asked Sora, an out-of-place smirk on his face. He was currently talking with Riku, Nisemono, and oddly enough Sephiroth, up at the Great Crest.

"I dunno…I'd give them a few hours," said Riku casually, leaning against one of the bronze pipes.

"You're too lenient, Hontou no Riku," said Nisemono, looking over the many attempts of the students-to-be to hop from platform to platform. "I'd give them a day at the least."

The One-Winged Angel snorted in contempt. "I would give them half an hour."

The three teens stared at the ex-SOLDIER in amazement.

"Wow Sephiroth, you really have faith in them," said Sora, clearly amazed.

"No, I simply believe that they lack proper motivation," said Sephiroth, an evil smile forming. Riku, Nisemono, and Sora simply gave Sephiroth nearly identical looks of incredulity as the man jumped off the Great Crest and glided to the struggling students-to-be.

"I bet you 1000 munny that he'll be chased," said Riku, clearly pitying Sephiroth.

Nisemono and Sora stared at Riku as if he had grown a second head.

"I'll take that bet," said Sora seriously.

"2000 munny says that he'll probably use Meteor and send 'em running," said Nisemono, a smirk on his face. Sora and Riku shared a smirk.

"You're on!"

**qp.qp.qp.qp**

'_Damn it, this looked so easy in the game!' _thought Shelly angrily. She had FINALLY managed to get to the middle platform, though not without several failed—and PAINFUL—attempts. The Lexeaus-fan was already at the top, standing at the spot where Riku had taken Sora's Keyblade from him in the first game and attempting to catch her breath. She turned around to look at the progress of the other students, only to notice that everyone had stopped where they were, their eyes locked on something behind Shelly. An eerie silence had fallen over the group, and Shelly felt a shiver run up her spine. _'It's like they've all seen a ghost or something—what are they looking at?'_

Suddenly, a chillingly familiar song began playing, scaring the living daylights out of her and the other girls (and occasional guy) behind her.

"_**Estuans interius  
Ira vehementi  
Estuans interius  
Ira vehementi  
SEPHIROTH!  
SEPHIROTH!"  
**_

A light tapping sound was heard behind her, and a feeling of impending doom washed over her, only intensified by the continuing music. Slowly, she turned around, dreading what awaited her. She had every reason to be afraid, too, for standing behind her was Sephiroth, a scary smile on his face.

"Oh…shit…"

And was that a large meteor coming out of the sky behind him? Oh…damn, it WAS!

Shelly's eyes figuratively reached the size of saucers, before she turned and ran for her life. That didn't save her for long, though, as the large meteor hit and her world fell into darkness.

It was only now that she realized she hadn't gotten the name of the strange, Lexaeus-liking Asian girl.

**qp.qp.qp.qp**

Up on the Great Crest, Sora and Riku had unreadable expressions on their faces. Nise had long since fallen over laughing.

"He brought. His own. Theme music," muttered Riku in disbelief.

Sora's eyelid took to twitching in annoyance. "What a dork."

Nisemono stood up and, smirking triumphantly, stuck his hand out, palm-side up. "Hah! Pay up!"


End file.
